As you know, the GOP primary battles are well under way, and I've been itching to write about them. The gang down at the Junebug Café has been asking me about it as well. However, it's a trap.
See, most of the good folks around the Holler are fairly conservative, some to the point of lunacy (I'm looking at you, Dickie Jensen). On the other hand, I'm well-known as a damned member of the liberal elite. So, I've been a little skeptical of the encouragement offered by the denizens of the Republican persuasion. I figure there are three possibilities here:
1) The gang expects me to write positively about their favorite candidates thus making them feel all warm inside. While intellectual fortitude is not one of the local traits promoted by the Chamber of Commerce, I don't think that anyone here is that dumb.
2) They expect me to highlight the negative qualities of the Republican candidates that they don't favor thus making their fellow look better in comparison. Of course, this assumes that I don't impugn the characters of the entire field (which is likely).
Which leaves us with #3:
3) They expect me to attack the whole field and then will use this to torment me for months to come. Of course, this is exactly what will happen. They know me, and I know them. It's always helpful in the course of political debate to have your opponent's arguments staked out beforehand. If I write any such post, it will just allow them to research and gear up for future political battle at the Café.
I'll probably write it anyway.
"Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing." - O. Wilde
Stevie Joe Parker
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Stevie Joe and Loud Music
Dear mp3/iPod/headphone/ear bud/portable music thingy manufacturers,
It's not loud enough. I've read all the baloney about protecting the hearing of the consumer, blah, blah, blah. IT'S NOT LOUD ENOUGH. I will sign a liability waiver stating that I actually wish to have permanent hearing loss if you make it louder. I want a setting called "liquify." I don't really need to hear anything else anyway. What? Am I going sit and listen to Junior and Dickie Jensen all day? MAKE IT LOUDER.
What?
Stevie Joe Parker
It's not loud enough. I've read all the baloney about protecting the hearing of the consumer, blah, blah, blah. IT'S NOT LOUD ENOUGH. I will sign a liability waiver stating that I actually wish to have permanent hearing loss if you make it louder. I want a setting called "liquify." I don't really need to hear anything else anyway. What? Am I going sit and listen to Junior and Dickie Jensen all day? MAKE IT LOUDER.
What?
Stevie Joe Parker
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Stevie Joe and the Great Shoe Polish Caper
So, this morning down at the Junebug Cafe, the gathered citizenry decided that yesterday's post on Bubba Clinton's new book was the most boring ever. Now, saving the world is not always going to be fun and games, guys. Sometimes, the grownups have serious business to do.
I believe the real reason for the dissent is the desire for this here blog to carry more local gossip. That's fun, but it doesn't always advance democracy. Over New Year's Eve there was an interesting story here in town that folks want to see me delve into. However, I am not going to be identifying any participants, assuming for the moment that I know who they are, out of concern for their safety and well-being.
Come the morning of January 1, the groggy citizens of this burg found evidence of certain drunken excesses the night before. Someone had apparently gone through town with some white shoe polish and proceeded to vandalize store, car, and home windows with various graffiti. Much of it, as you might imagine, was vulgar. Almost all of it was misspelled. The word "doodyhead" was written across the windshield of Jimmy's Camaro. Now, the offender might have been under the belief that his restraint from the use of profanity would prevent Jimmy from seeking retribution. Well, Jimmy loves that Camaro, and said offender would be wrong.
The most disturbing aspect of this particular crime spree was the frequent and prominent examples of what appears to be nekkid, white butt prints. It would appear that someone coated their own rear end with the shoe polish and proceeded to press ham around town. Dickie Jensen was not available for comment.
Reporting from Junebug Holler, I'm
Stevie Joe Parker
I believe the real reason for the dissent is the desire for this here blog to carry more local gossip. That's fun, but it doesn't always advance democracy. Over New Year's Eve there was an interesting story here in town that folks want to see me delve into. However, I am not going to be identifying any participants, assuming for the moment that I know who they are, out of concern for their safety and well-being.
Come the morning of January 1, the groggy citizens of this burg found evidence of certain drunken excesses the night before. Someone had apparently gone through town with some white shoe polish and proceeded to vandalize store, car, and home windows with various graffiti. Much of it, as you might imagine, was vulgar. Almost all of it was misspelled. The word "doodyhead" was written across the windshield of Jimmy's Camaro. Now, the offender might have been under the belief that his restraint from the use of profanity would prevent Jimmy from seeking retribution. Well, Jimmy loves that Camaro, and said offender would be wrong.
The most disturbing aspect of this particular crime spree was the frequent and prominent examples of what appears to be nekkid, white butt prints. It would appear that someone coated their own rear end with the shoe polish and proceeded to press ham around town. Dickie Jensen was not available for comment.
Reporting from Junebug Holler, I'm
Stevie Joe Parker
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Stevie Joe and Bill Clinton Ponder the Future
Long before Barack Obama used "hope" as a campaign slogan, there was "The Man From Hope," Bill Clinton. Some argued that coming from a poor Southern background, Bubba was the first "black" president. Whatever the case, he's pretty darned smart. I don't always agree, but like Christopher Hitchens, I'd hate to face him in a public debate.
I just finished Clinton's latest book, Back to Work. He spends quite a few pages in the book defending his record as president and comparing it presidents both before and after him. Honestly, he comes off pretty good. Which, frankly, is a bit surprising. You'd be hard-pressed to find a guy who did more to torpedo his own administration.
Clinton's first act in office was an attempt to remove the ban on gays serving in the military. An immediate and fierce backlash wound up with the compromise that nobody liked: Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Bubba followed that up with his attempt to create a single payer health care system. Geez, talk about biting off more than you can chew! He and Hillary spent a lot of time and capital on that project and walked away with nothing. It seemed that the Clintons took some time to adjust to how to govern at the federal level. Starting out with two controversial topics may not have been the best way to bring critics over to their side.
Of course, the most damaging thing ol' Slick Willy did was his failure to keep his libido in check. That created such a distraction that many of his young, eager staff quit in disgust. Much of his second term was spent dealing with Ken Starr and the pending impeachment.
So, when you look back at the record he left, it really is impressive that he was able to govern at all. Of course, he concedes that he was the beneficiary of some fortunate timing, but Bubba is going to let all the credit slip away that easily. As he likes to do, Clinton overwhelms you in this book with statistics and examples proving his point. It is a mountain of evidence that makes it difficult to disagree.
However, the point of the book is not to defend his reputation but to argue for a way to the country to move forward. In contrast with his own policies, he describes the anti-government policies of the conservative Right. Again, he piles on the statistics to demonstrate that government isn't always a bad thing. He also compares our progress as a nation against our industrialized competition, and we don't come off looking so hot.
Despite being a loyal Democrat, he argues for bipartisanship and the desire to find ideas that work regardless of their origin. So, he borrows some policies from cities, states, Republicans (even Newt Gingrich), Democrats, and countries around the world. He puts these together into a vision of how the US can catch up and regain our leadership position.
It's a compelling argument. Let's face it, whether you like the dude or not, Bubba's pretty smart. He is willing to acknowledge the smart folks on the other side of the aisle and gets a little concerned about those folks who stick so strongly to their own ideology that they are unwilling to listen to anyone else.
Anywho, Bill Clinton is not my own personal favorite politician, but this book is a worthwhile read for anyone interested in where the US is today and how we can be better. It provides some encouragement to us folks who feel like the system is forever broken. Bubba holds out some hope that we can all work together again.
I give it 4-and-a-half stars,
Stevie Joe Parker
I just finished Clinton's latest book, Back to Work. He spends quite a few pages in the book defending his record as president and comparing it presidents both before and after him. Honestly, he comes off pretty good. Which, frankly, is a bit surprising. You'd be hard-pressed to find a guy who did more to torpedo his own administration.
Clinton's first act in office was an attempt to remove the ban on gays serving in the military. An immediate and fierce backlash wound up with the compromise that nobody liked: Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Bubba followed that up with his attempt to create a single payer health care system. Geez, talk about biting off more than you can chew! He and Hillary spent a lot of time and capital on that project and walked away with nothing. It seemed that the Clintons took some time to adjust to how to govern at the federal level. Starting out with two controversial topics may not have been the best way to bring critics over to their side.
Of course, the most damaging thing ol' Slick Willy did was his failure to keep his libido in check. That created such a distraction that many of his young, eager staff quit in disgust. Much of his second term was spent dealing with Ken Starr and the pending impeachment.
So, when you look back at the record he left, it really is impressive that he was able to govern at all. Of course, he concedes that he was the beneficiary of some fortunate timing, but Bubba is going to let all the credit slip away that easily. As he likes to do, Clinton overwhelms you in this book with statistics and examples proving his point. It is a mountain of evidence that makes it difficult to disagree.
However, the point of the book is not to defend his reputation but to argue for a way to the country to move forward. In contrast with his own policies, he describes the anti-government policies of the conservative Right. Again, he piles on the statistics to demonstrate that government isn't always a bad thing. He also compares our progress as a nation against our industrialized competition, and we don't come off looking so hot.
Despite being a loyal Democrat, he argues for bipartisanship and the desire to find ideas that work regardless of their origin. So, he borrows some policies from cities, states, Republicans (even Newt Gingrich), Democrats, and countries around the world. He puts these together into a vision of how the US can catch up and regain our leadership position.
It's a compelling argument. Let's face it, whether you like the dude or not, Bubba's pretty smart. He is willing to acknowledge the smart folks on the other side of the aisle and gets a little concerned about those folks who stick so strongly to their own ideology that they are unwilling to listen to anyone else.
Anywho, Bill Clinton is not my own personal favorite politician, but this book is a worthwhile read for anyone interested in where the US is today and how we can be better. It provides some encouragement to us folks who feel like the system is forever broken. Bubba holds out some hope that we can all work together again.
I give it 4-and-a-half stars,
Stevie Joe Parker
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Stevie Joe Lands a Blow Against Religious Strife
Creating world peace is a pretty tall order. I'm taking it a piece at a time. I figure that forming some understanding between those with different religious views is a good place to start.
So, I've been pondering a bunch of stuff that the late genius and blowhard Christopher Hitchens had written and said over the years. In particular, I was attracted to his views of religion as he expressed them in a series of public debates with a number of folks defending the practice. Hitchens was an atheist and quite proud of the fact. I don't know if he was right, but he certainly made a better case than most of his opponents.
In any case, in one debate with author David Berlinski, Hitch spoke of his respect for Socrates. He said that today we have the words attributed to Socrates and that we have some evidence that Socrates did, in fact, exist. If, however, we were to somehow discover that Socrates never did exist and was, rather, a fictional character, it would have little impact upon the importance of his words. On the other hand, Hitch continued, if it was found that Jesus did not actually exist, it would ruin Berlinski's life. Berlinski ceded this point.
So, it appears that we have a divide, but if we dig a little deeper, the divide might not be as wide as it appears. The presumption in this argument is that the value of Jesus' words is that they come from the Son of God and that the words have little value without this supernatural origin. I think that is a mistake. If Jesus speaks the truth, it is still the truth if it is spoken by Dickie Jensen (however improbable that may be).
Evidence of this presumption can be seen in the argument that our system of laws and beliefs has its origin in the Ten Commandments (as argued by some folks of faith). If you follow the logic, we would never have figured out that murder and stealing are bad ideas if God didn't tell us so. How folks raised outside the Judeo-Christian tradition reached this conclusion is an apparent mystery.
Further analysis of the Ten Commandments provides some confirmation that the importance of these values does not come from above. After all, the creation of graven images and coveting of stuff is the basis of the US economy. So, why are these commandments held in the same regard as those against murder and theft? Ol' Stevie Joe would argue that the importance society places in these things comes not because they are the word of God but because they have a universal value, or a universal truth, separate from that of religious belief. An atheist can certainly believe that killing is wrong without having to believe in a Judeo-Christian God.
So, this opens the door for the concept of an atheist or, at least, an agnostic view of Jesus. One should be able to discern the value in what Jesus taught separately from a belief in a supernatural being. Why cannot this be the common ground between Hitchens and Berlinski? Can we agree on the value of the teachings of Jesus without having to agree on the whole question of God?
Something to ponder anyway.
Can I get a witness?
Stevie Joe Parker
So, I've been pondering a bunch of stuff that the late genius and blowhard Christopher Hitchens had written and said over the years. In particular, I was attracted to his views of religion as he expressed them in a series of public debates with a number of folks defending the practice. Hitchens was an atheist and quite proud of the fact. I don't know if he was right, but he certainly made a better case than most of his opponents.
In any case, in one debate with author David Berlinski, Hitch spoke of his respect for Socrates. He said that today we have the words attributed to Socrates and that we have some evidence that Socrates did, in fact, exist. If, however, we were to somehow discover that Socrates never did exist and was, rather, a fictional character, it would have little impact upon the importance of his words. On the other hand, Hitch continued, if it was found that Jesus did not actually exist, it would ruin Berlinski's life. Berlinski ceded this point.
So, it appears that we have a divide, but if we dig a little deeper, the divide might not be as wide as it appears. The presumption in this argument is that the value of Jesus' words is that they come from the Son of God and that the words have little value without this supernatural origin. I think that is a mistake. If Jesus speaks the truth, it is still the truth if it is spoken by Dickie Jensen (however improbable that may be).
Evidence of this presumption can be seen in the argument that our system of laws and beliefs has its origin in the Ten Commandments (as argued by some folks of faith). If you follow the logic, we would never have figured out that murder and stealing are bad ideas if God didn't tell us so. How folks raised outside the Judeo-Christian tradition reached this conclusion is an apparent mystery.
Further analysis of the Ten Commandments provides some confirmation that the importance of these values does not come from above. After all, the creation of graven images and coveting of stuff is the basis of the US economy. So, why are these commandments held in the same regard as those against murder and theft? Ol' Stevie Joe would argue that the importance society places in these things comes not because they are the word of God but because they have a universal value, or a universal truth, separate from that of religious belief. An atheist can certainly believe that killing is wrong without having to believe in a Judeo-Christian God.
So, this opens the door for the concept of an atheist or, at least, an agnostic view of Jesus. One should be able to discern the value in what Jesus taught separately from a belief in a supernatural being. Why cannot this be the common ground between Hitchens and Berlinski? Can we agree on the value of the teachings of Jesus without having to agree on the whole question of God?
Something to ponder anyway.
Can I get a witness?
Stevie Joe Parker
Friday, December 9, 2011
Job Fair at the Junebug Cafe
So, after yesterday's post, the good citizens of this fine burg decided to offer some employment advice to me over breakfast down at Prudy's. While it was certainly entertaining, I'm not sure that I walked away with any better plan than I had going in. Here are some of the suggestions: beer wholesaler (nice try, Junior), cowboy, politician (not a chance), porn actor (it disturbs me that this idea came from Dickie Jensen), astronaut (Junior, again), truck driver (given the amount of crap WalMart sells, probably a good idea), and gas station attendant (free smokes, Junior?). See what I have to deal with here?
Carpin' About the Diem,
Stevie Joe Parker
Carpin' About the Diem,
Stevie Joe Parker
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Once More Unto the Breech . . .
"Once more unto the breech, dear friends, once more" - Henry V
Just over a year ago I last posted here. At that time I was attempting a Stevie Joe "comeback" after being knocked silly by Life. I had confidence that the bad times had reached bottom and it was time for me to move again forward. Yet, Life often laughs at such hubris. What I thought was bottom was nothing but a brief pause on the descent to madness and despair.
Mrs. Stevie Joe was gone, and I had come to terms with that. However, there was more. I had been a corporate cowboy and then a small business owner. I was a "big shot" in the Holler, but the allure of owning my own business had faded and the tanking economy took a toll on the pocketbook.
So, what to do? My old corporate employer doesn't even exist anymore, and the big business world doesn't need any wayward sons returning home when there are so many new, young recruits hungry for work. Besides, nobody does what I used to do within a hundred miles of Junebug Holler and hell if I'm moving back to the city.
I'm pretty damn good at pontificating. In fact, I'm probably the best in the Holler, but that isn't saying much. Nobody wants to pay to hear your pontificating unless you're already famous for something.
So, I go from being the hotshot, the talk-of-the-town (such as it is) to pretty much nobody. That's a big change for Stevie Joe. On top of that, the prospects for the future aren't looking too bright.
Sure, I could go back to school and retrain for a new field. I already have a master's degree, but that and a five-spot gets you a mocha cappuccino at Starbucks. I need new skills for the 21st century, and they don't come cheap. The local community college charges more for a single class that I paid for a complete semester 25 years ago. I'm not excited about the prospect of spending $100K or more to get back to the earning power I had in 1990.
So, here I am - sitting drinking a beer with Junior and Dickie in Junebug Holler and contemplating my place in this big old world. I'm not going to pretend that I've got it figured out, and I won't make any claims regarding bouncing back lest Life have another surprise for me. I'm just going out swinging and seeing where the punches fall.
Anyway, folks have pointed out that I write a lot and maybe I should look at that. Writing a lot and getting paid for it are two different things, but what the hell. I'll write and write and write and see what happens. So, for better or worse, expect to hear more from ol' Stevie Joe going forward.
The Game is Afoot!
Stevie Joe Parker
Just over a year ago I last posted here. At that time I was attempting a Stevie Joe "comeback" after being knocked silly by Life. I had confidence that the bad times had reached bottom and it was time for me to move again forward. Yet, Life often laughs at such hubris. What I thought was bottom was nothing but a brief pause on the descent to madness and despair.
Mrs. Stevie Joe was gone, and I had come to terms with that. However, there was more. I had been a corporate cowboy and then a small business owner. I was a "big shot" in the Holler, but the allure of owning my own business had faded and the tanking economy took a toll on the pocketbook.
So, what to do? My old corporate employer doesn't even exist anymore, and the big business world doesn't need any wayward sons returning home when there are so many new, young recruits hungry for work. Besides, nobody does what I used to do within a hundred miles of Junebug Holler and hell if I'm moving back to the city.
I'm pretty damn good at pontificating. In fact, I'm probably the best in the Holler, but that isn't saying much. Nobody wants to pay to hear your pontificating unless you're already famous for something.
So, I go from being the hotshot, the talk-of-the-town (such as it is) to pretty much nobody. That's a big change for Stevie Joe. On top of that, the prospects for the future aren't looking too bright.
Sure, I could go back to school and retrain for a new field. I already have a master's degree, but that and a five-spot gets you a mocha cappuccino at Starbucks. I need new skills for the 21st century, and they don't come cheap. The local community college charges more for a single class that I paid for a complete semester 25 years ago. I'm not excited about the prospect of spending $100K or more to get back to the earning power I had in 1990.
So, here I am - sitting drinking a beer with Junior and Dickie in Junebug Holler and contemplating my place in this big old world. I'm not going to pretend that I've got it figured out, and I won't make any claims regarding bouncing back lest Life have another surprise for me. I'm just going out swinging and seeing where the punches fall.
Anyway, folks have pointed out that I write a lot and maybe I should look at that. Writing a lot and getting paid for it are two different things, but what the hell. I'll write and write and write and see what happens. So, for better or worse, expect to hear more from ol' Stevie Joe going forward.
The Game is Afoot!
Stevie Joe Parker
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Stevie Joe Reaching Some Common Ground
Back down at Prudy's Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge, I'm beginning to feel a bit more at ease. I've regained my confidence, and the local citizenry have been assured that I am not, indeed, losing my mind. Conversation is once again flowing smoothly.
With Election Day less than a week away, our daily discourse has once again turned to politics. Normally, one approaches this season with a great deal of trepidation. Calm and polite discussion can quickly escalate to red-faced, spittle-spewing emotional contests. I will not hesitate to take some of the blame for these occurrences. There is a child-like joy in winding up Dickie Jensen and setting him loose. It's too damn easy.
Yet, the political talk over the past few days has remained subdued. The mood has been sour. It is quite possible that the tone of political advertising in the US of A has reached a new low. No longer does a candidate stand forth to announce his or her stance on the issues of the day. Rather, strategists have determined that the most effective means to garner votes is to paint a picture of one's opponent as a monster intent on destroying our beloved country. Any joy we once had in participating in the electoral process has been drowned with negativity.
Yesterday, I set about furthering the sciences by conducting a little study down at Prudy's. While the regular crowd sat back to watch Ellen on the big screen, I counted the number of political advertisements during the show. I also made a note of how many were "issue" ads.
There were a grand total of 16 advertisements from both Republican and Democratic candidates seeking office at the county, state, and federal levels. Of these, a total of zero were about actual legislative issues. That's right. Every single one of them suckers was nothing but name calling.
If a visitor from another planet were to plop down and examine this year's election, they would come to the conclusion that the planet is about to be infested by criminally psychopathic elected officials and, as a result, is on the verge of social, economic, and environmental collapse.
By the end of an otherwise stellar Ellen, the gang could take no more. In a rare moment of solidarity, it was decided to turn off the damn TV. Silence filled the room while we all collected our thoughts and pondered what to do next. Dickie said that he just got his disability check in the mail today and maybe he and Junior should set about getting it cashed and buying themselves a case of beer. And all was back to normal in the Holler.
I'm Stevie Joe Parker, and I Approve This Here Blog
With Election Day less than a week away, our daily discourse has once again turned to politics. Normally, one approaches this season with a great deal of trepidation. Calm and polite discussion can quickly escalate to red-faced, spittle-spewing emotional contests. I will not hesitate to take some of the blame for these occurrences. There is a child-like joy in winding up Dickie Jensen and setting him loose. It's too damn easy.
Yet, the political talk over the past few days has remained subdued. The mood has been sour. It is quite possible that the tone of political advertising in the US of A has reached a new low. No longer does a candidate stand forth to announce his or her stance on the issues of the day. Rather, strategists have determined that the most effective means to garner votes is to paint a picture of one's opponent as a monster intent on destroying our beloved country. Any joy we once had in participating in the electoral process has been drowned with negativity.
Yesterday, I set about furthering the sciences by conducting a little study down at Prudy's. While the regular crowd sat back to watch Ellen on the big screen, I counted the number of political advertisements during the show. I also made a note of how many were "issue" ads.
There were a grand total of 16 advertisements from both Republican and Democratic candidates seeking office at the county, state, and federal levels. Of these, a total of zero were about actual legislative issues. That's right. Every single one of them suckers was nothing but name calling.
If a visitor from another planet were to plop down and examine this year's election, they would come to the conclusion that the planet is about to be infested by criminally psychopathic elected officials and, as a result, is on the verge of social, economic, and environmental collapse.
By the end of an otherwise stellar Ellen, the gang could take no more. In a rare moment of solidarity, it was decided to turn off the damn TV. Silence filled the room while we all collected our thoughts and pondered what to do next. Dickie said that he just got his disability check in the mail today and maybe he and Junior should set about getting it cashed and buying themselves a case of beer. And all was back to normal in the Holler.
I'm Stevie Joe Parker, and I Approve This Here Blog
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Stevie Joe and the Chilean Miners
I believe that my long journey back to some sort of normalcy is nearly complete. The former Mrs. Stevie Joe is gone for good, and I'm OK with that now. I have regained much of my confidence and feel ready to tackle the world once again. I feel good.
So, in the past couple of weeks, I've rejoined the regular gang down at the Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge. Several days ago, the topic du jour was the on-going rescue of the Chilean miners. It was up on the TV above the main counter, and all eyes were affixed. I was a bit confused by all the attention. Then, Juanita began to cry. She was followed by Prudy, Dickie Jensen, and Junior. However, I'm pretty sure Junior just bit his tongue while trying to eat his Denver omelet.
So, I asked, "What are all you crying at?"
Prudy answered, "Well, look! They pulled up another miner! Isn't it just fantastic?"
"Aren't you getting a bit carried away?"
Dickie's face carried a look of shock that slowly changed to anger. "It's a damn miracle, Stevie Joe! A triumph of the human spirit!"
"But you don't even know those folks! How are you getting so emotional about people you never heard of before and will forget again in a month?"
Juanita jumped in, "They are human beings, Stevie Joe."
"You don't really care though. You're crying like you would watching Brian's Song. It's not a real connection. If those folks died down in that mine, you'd just flip the channel over to Jeopardy!" I declared.
"Oh, we would not. That would be a real tragedy, Stevie Joe. We have feelings. We're human," Prudy replied.
I knew I had them now. I was ready to turn it right around on them. Gosh, I missed this stuff. "Then, why aren't you crying about the 20,000 Chinese miners that die every year? They are dying for you! They are dying for that fancy, high-definition television set up there!"
Dickie was just getting madder, "Oh, what the hell are you talking about, Stevie Joe?"
"Simple economics, Dickie. See, we Americans are just addicted to cheap Chinese goods. Can't get enough of 'em. They keep building more and more factories to keep up with the demands. The problem, however, is that can't provide enough electricity to keep all these factories running. So, they built up a bunch of new, coal-fired power plants. Now, remember, they got to keep this cheap. So, those power plants can burn the dirtiest, cheapest coal, and they don't have any extra equipment to help them run clean. They get the coal out of hastily-planned coal mines that rely on cheap human labor rather than expensive machinery. No environmental safeguards. No labor safety standards. So, 20,000 of those poor folks get killed every damn year! Where are your tears for them?"
Just around that point in my rather eloquent verbal volley, the group began to stare at me sternly. It was then kindly suggested that I was not quite ready to return to polite Junebug Holler society.
Maybe they have a point. Usually, I am a bit more subtle with my repartee. This was more of a rant, and a preachy one at that. Perhaps, I should retreat for a while. Perhaps, I should spend more time sharpening my wit.
Hell no. I'm back baby!
Living Large Once Again,
Stevie Joe Parker
So, in the past couple of weeks, I've rejoined the regular gang down at the Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge. Several days ago, the topic du jour was the on-going rescue of the Chilean miners. It was up on the TV above the main counter, and all eyes were affixed. I was a bit confused by all the attention. Then, Juanita began to cry. She was followed by Prudy, Dickie Jensen, and Junior. However, I'm pretty sure Junior just bit his tongue while trying to eat his Denver omelet.
So, I asked, "What are all you crying at?"
Prudy answered, "Well, look! They pulled up another miner! Isn't it just fantastic?"
"Aren't you getting a bit carried away?"
Dickie's face carried a look of shock that slowly changed to anger. "It's a damn miracle, Stevie Joe! A triumph of the human spirit!"
"But you don't even know those folks! How are you getting so emotional about people you never heard of before and will forget again in a month?"
Juanita jumped in, "They are human beings, Stevie Joe."
"You don't really care though. You're crying like you would watching Brian's Song. It's not a real connection. If those folks died down in that mine, you'd just flip the channel over to Jeopardy!" I declared.
"Oh, we would not. That would be a real tragedy, Stevie Joe. We have feelings. We're human," Prudy replied.
I knew I had them now. I was ready to turn it right around on them. Gosh, I missed this stuff. "Then, why aren't you crying about the 20,000 Chinese miners that die every year? They are dying for you! They are dying for that fancy, high-definition television set up there!"
Dickie was just getting madder, "Oh, what the hell are you talking about, Stevie Joe?"
"Simple economics, Dickie. See, we Americans are just addicted to cheap Chinese goods. Can't get enough of 'em. They keep building more and more factories to keep up with the demands. The problem, however, is that can't provide enough electricity to keep all these factories running. So, they built up a bunch of new, coal-fired power plants. Now, remember, they got to keep this cheap. So, those power plants can burn the dirtiest, cheapest coal, and they don't have any extra equipment to help them run clean. They get the coal out of hastily-planned coal mines that rely on cheap human labor rather than expensive machinery. No environmental safeguards. No labor safety standards. So, 20,000 of those poor folks get killed every damn year! Where are your tears for them?"
Just around that point in my rather eloquent verbal volley, the group began to stare at me sternly. It was then kindly suggested that I was not quite ready to return to polite Junebug Holler society.
Maybe they have a point. Usually, I am a bit more subtle with my repartee. This was more of a rant, and a preachy one at that. Perhaps, I should retreat for a while. Perhaps, I should spend more time sharpening my wit.
Hell no. I'm back baby!
Living Large Once Again,
Stevie Joe Parker
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Stevie Joe's Long Haul
Howdy, Stevie Joe fans. I know that the wait between installments can be quite dreary and inevitably slow progress towards world peace. However, Stevie Joe has his own demons to deal with right now.
Overall, the battle is going quite well, but the war is long. As I rise out of my hole searching for glimpses of victory, all I see are odd glances in return. See, one does not emerge from this type of thing exactly the same as when one went in. Rather, it changes you. Some of my own demons come from this change.
Yet, those around me aren't sure what to think. I am not the old Stevie Joe that they loved and flocked to. Yes, it is true that I no longer have the satellite dish and big screen TV for their viewing pleasure, but I'd like to think that they came for more than that.
I believe that their real fear is that I have somehow gone insane. I'll grant that it is a possibility. If it were true, I'd be the last person to know, wouldn't I? Anywho, the nature of the insanity is what concerns them. I mean, we can argue that half of Junebug Holler is nuts in their own special way. Junior alone could fill a college textbook on the matter.
It is insanity in the extreme that they fear. When folks like Junior lose it, they walk around town with their pants tucked in their socks and cardboard boxes balanced on their heads. When folks like Stevie Joe lose it, they are likely to become the Unabomber. That's what the good citizenry here fear, but I think they're wrong.
For now, I wage my battles from the comforts of Junior's couch taking heed of all the advice offered by Junior Junior, Junior's dog. You may scoff but never underestimate the wisdom of dogs.
Yours in battle,
Stevie Joe Parker
Overall, the battle is going quite well, but the war is long. As I rise out of my hole searching for glimpses of victory, all I see are odd glances in return. See, one does not emerge from this type of thing exactly the same as when one went in. Rather, it changes you. Some of my own demons come from this change.
Yet, those around me aren't sure what to think. I am not the old Stevie Joe that they loved and flocked to. Yes, it is true that I no longer have the satellite dish and big screen TV for their viewing pleasure, but I'd like to think that they came for more than that.
I believe that their real fear is that I have somehow gone insane. I'll grant that it is a possibility. If it were true, I'd be the last person to know, wouldn't I? Anywho, the nature of the insanity is what concerns them. I mean, we can argue that half of Junebug Holler is nuts in their own special way. Junior alone could fill a college textbook on the matter.
It is insanity in the extreme that they fear. When folks like Junior lose it, they walk around town with their pants tucked in their socks and cardboard boxes balanced on their heads. When folks like Stevie Joe lose it, they are likely to become the Unabomber. That's what the good citizenry here fear, but I think they're wrong.
For now, I wage my battles from the comforts of Junior's couch taking heed of all the advice offered by Junior Junior, Junior's dog. You may scoff but never underestimate the wisdom of dogs.
Yours in battle,
Stevie Joe Parker
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Stevie Joe and Road Construction
Now, putting one's life back together takes some work. And sometimes, that work requires a bit of automotive travel. So, the big blue wagon and I have been tearing up the local highways and byways of late. Unfortunately, that is easier said than done.
You might remember those folks back in Washington DC talking up various stimulus packages when we were smack dab in the heart of this most recent recession. The idea was to put folks back to work by borrowing some dough from the Chinese and having the government spend it. Much of that spending went to improve our transportation infrastructure. There is no doubt that our transportation infrastructure is in some dire need of repair and upgrade. Sounds simple, right?
Here's where the problem comes in. Politicians know that most folks have short memories so they wanted to spend money right away. Unfortunately, upgrading our mass transit, freight rail, airports, and crumbling bridges requires engineering, and engineering takes time. Sure, you can spend money on engineering, but that's not visible to folks until you have a completed project.
So, they decided to limit spending on projects that already had completed engineering work and projects that required minimal engineering. Number one project requiring little to no engineering? Resurfacing existing roads.
Hence, my problem. The Feds doled out lots of cash to the states to resurface roads. The states, not wanting to appear ungrateful, set about resurfacing as many roads as possible whether they needed to be resurfaced or not. So, all about the Greater Junebug Holler Metro Area, roads are all torn up. Perfectly good roads. Roads that didn't have so much as a single pothole or frost heave. There are also lots of giant, orange signs reminding folks who is paying for all this.
You would think that if a road is under construction, hence a delay is to be expected, one might take another route, a detour. Unfortunately, all the alternate routes are also being similarly resurfaced. So, there ain't no way out of the Holler for ol' Stevie Joe. I'll just have to sit back and down some beers with Junior. Nothing else I can do.
I'm thinking about writing a letter to those folks in the state DOT. Perhaps, they need some reminding that the "T" in their name stands for "transportation" and there ain't much of that going on right now.
There's Stevie Joe, he's movin' kinda slow at the Holler, Junebug Holler,
Stevie Joe Parker
p.s. You know those "flaggers" who hold the "Stop" and "Slow" signs whenever there is a lane closure? I'm sure you already know that due to the enormous physical toll on those poor workers these signs now have a rotating base. The flagger need only turn it from one side to the other every few minutes while the base holds up the sign for them.
Well, apparently even with such a modern marvel, too many flaggers were struck down in their prime with "flagger's elbow." So, they've got a new device. I swear to JC this is true. The signs are now motorized. So, the flagger can now sit back and simply push a button on a remote control while the sign spins itself. Of course, you and I both know that sooner or later, all that button pushing is going to give someone a severe case of carpal tunnel syndrome. You read it here first.
You might remember those folks back in Washington DC talking up various stimulus packages when we were smack dab in the heart of this most recent recession. The idea was to put folks back to work by borrowing some dough from the Chinese and having the government spend it. Much of that spending went to improve our transportation infrastructure. There is no doubt that our transportation infrastructure is in some dire need of repair and upgrade. Sounds simple, right?
Here's where the problem comes in. Politicians know that most folks have short memories so they wanted to spend money right away. Unfortunately, upgrading our mass transit, freight rail, airports, and crumbling bridges requires engineering, and engineering takes time. Sure, you can spend money on engineering, but that's not visible to folks until you have a completed project.
So, they decided to limit spending on projects that already had completed engineering work and projects that required minimal engineering. Number one project requiring little to no engineering? Resurfacing existing roads.
Hence, my problem. The Feds doled out lots of cash to the states to resurface roads. The states, not wanting to appear ungrateful, set about resurfacing as many roads as possible whether they needed to be resurfaced or not. So, all about the Greater Junebug Holler Metro Area, roads are all torn up. Perfectly good roads. Roads that didn't have so much as a single pothole or frost heave. There are also lots of giant, orange signs reminding folks who is paying for all this.
You would think that if a road is under construction, hence a delay is to be expected, one might take another route, a detour. Unfortunately, all the alternate routes are also being similarly resurfaced. So, there ain't no way out of the Holler for ol' Stevie Joe. I'll just have to sit back and down some beers with Junior. Nothing else I can do.
I'm thinking about writing a letter to those folks in the state DOT. Perhaps, they need some reminding that the "T" in their name stands for "transportation" and there ain't much of that going on right now.
There's Stevie Joe, he's movin' kinda slow at the Holler, Junebug Holler,
Stevie Joe Parker
p.s. You know those "flaggers" who hold the "Stop" and "Slow" signs whenever there is a lane closure? I'm sure you already know that due to the enormous physical toll on those poor workers these signs now have a rotating base. The flagger need only turn it from one side to the other every few minutes while the base holds up the sign for them.
Well, apparently even with such a modern marvel, too many flaggers were struck down in their prime with "flagger's elbow." So, they've got a new device. I swear to JC this is true. The signs are now motorized. So, the flagger can now sit back and simply push a button on a remote control while the sign spins itself. Of course, you and I both know that sooner or later, all that button pushing is going to give someone a severe case of carpal tunnel syndrome. You read it here first.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Stevie Joe On Pain
The last few months, I've had plenty of time to ponder pain. As many an amateur philosopher has uttered, "Life is pain." Buddha knew this, and I know it. So, is it any surprise that when the pain of life becomes too much to bear, we search for the painkillers?
Yet, we have made the most effective painkillers taboo. If we feel happy all on our own, all is good. If we feel happy because of a pill, a drink, or a toke, all is bad. Why is this so? Why is it so wrong for a substance to make us feel good?
Of course, allowing a medication to take away the pain is usually accepted as long as that medication doesn't go so far as to make us feel good. Ibuprofen, and acetaminophen are just fine even though they are toxic to our bodies. Morphine, which is not toxic to our body, is used only as a last resort because it provides a feeling of euphoria. Eegads. Not that. Of course, too much morphine (or any other opiate) will eventually stop you from breathing, but it won't fry your liver or kidneys.
Take a look at this here chart. Look long and hard. Some study might be required to really take it all in. Then, tell me why LSD and pot are illegal but caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine are not. I'm not saying that these LSD and pot should be legal. Just that it seems fairly arbitrary. Why shouldn't we be allowed to decide for ourselves?
As you probably know, many folks who are in pain, either physical or psychological, wind up self-medicating. They might use legal drugs or they might use illegal drugs, but let's not pretend that it doesn't happen. How about having an open discussion about how to handle it?
Ouch,
Stevie Joe Parker
Yet, we have made the most effective painkillers taboo. If we feel happy all on our own, all is good. If we feel happy because of a pill, a drink, or a toke, all is bad. Why is this so? Why is it so wrong for a substance to make us feel good?
Of course, allowing a medication to take away the pain is usually accepted as long as that medication doesn't go so far as to make us feel good. Ibuprofen, and acetaminophen are just fine even though they are toxic to our bodies. Morphine, which is not toxic to our body, is used only as a last resort because it provides a feeling of euphoria. Eegads. Not that. Of course, too much morphine (or any other opiate) will eventually stop you from breathing, but it won't fry your liver or kidneys.
Take a look at this here chart. Look long and hard. Some study might be required to really take it all in. Then, tell me why LSD and pot are illegal but caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine are not. I'm not saying that these LSD and pot should be legal. Just that it seems fairly arbitrary. Why shouldn't we be allowed to decide for ourselves?
As you probably know, many folks who are in pain, either physical or psychological, wind up self-medicating. They might use legal drugs or they might use illegal drugs, but let's not pretend that it doesn't happen. How about having an open discussion about how to handle it?
Ouch,
Stevie Joe Parker
Friday, July 9, 2010
Stevie Joe's Descent
Loss brings many emotions and even more actions. Depression alone can manifest itself in a nearly complete Hunter S. Thompson novel. In my case, I didn't sink into the drugs like Raoul Duke en route to a desert motorcycle race. Maybe I would have done so had I known where the heck to buy them. I mean, there's a lot of drunks around Junebug Holler, but those other drugs are mostly something done by someone else somewhere else (unless you mean stuff like caffeine, nicotine, prescription opiates, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, and various ED remedies).
So, I took to White Russians and Stingers depending on the state of my liquor cabinet. On those truly desperate nights, it was straight tequila. Cuervo Gold. I blame it on Steely Dan. The one indulgence that differed considerably from those of my fellow Holler citizens was a powerful Kava tea made from root imported directly from the island of Vanuatu. Good stuff. Do not mix with alcohol.
As you may have already deduced, while such behavior might result from loss, it does nothing to get one beyond it. In fact, the booze just led me down the dark path to an even deeper hell. Sure, there would occasionally be a party or slot machine along that path, but it led to hell nonetheless.
More soon,
Stevie Joe Parker
So, I took to White Russians and Stingers depending on the state of my liquor cabinet. On those truly desperate nights, it was straight tequila. Cuervo Gold. I blame it on Steely Dan. The one indulgence that differed considerably from those of my fellow Holler citizens was a powerful Kava tea made from root imported directly from the island of Vanuatu. Good stuff. Do not mix with alcohol.
As you may have already deduced, while such behavior might result from loss, it does nothing to get one beyond it. In fact, the booze just led me down the dark path to an even deeper hell. Sure, there would occasionally be a party or slot machine along that path, but it led to hell nonetheless.
More soon,
Stevie Joe Parker
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Stevie Joe Is Back!
I arise from deep in the muck. So deep that you must claw away at the filth above your head for hours and days and weeks and months. All in a desperate attempt to catch a glimpse once again of the sun.
Mrs. Stevie Joe is gone. Finally fed up with me and who can blame her except for that constant voice way in the back of my head that searches for someplace, any place, to point the finger except right back here at ol' Stevie Joe.
I've resorted to living with Junior and his dog, Junior Junior. I have often made light of Junior, but he is a true friend. He alone was there to take hold of my hand when it finally emerged from the ooze. I suspect he believed that I had a beer in my other hand, but I want to push that from my thoughts and focus on the good.
I've yet to cleanse myself of all the debris and negativity that has pulled me down these past few months, but I'm looking forward. This here will be my testament.
Regards,
Stevie Joe Parker
Mrs. Stevie Joe is gone. Finally fed up with me and who can blame her except for that constant voice way in the back of my head that searches for someplace, any place, to point the finger except right back here at ol' Stevie Joe.
I've resorted to living with Junior and his dog, Junior Junior. I have often made light of Junior, but he is a true friend. He alone was there to take hold of my hand when it finally emerged from the ooze. I suspect he believed that I had a beer in my other hand, but I want to push that from my thoughts and focus on the good.
I've yet to cleanse myself of all the debris and negativity that has pulled me down these past few months, but I'm looking forward. This here will be my testament.
Regards,
Stevie Joe Parker
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Stevie Joe on True Love
Yesterday, I saw two folks out riding a motorcycle. They were wearing matching Harley-Davidson gear. Matching Harley-Davidson rain gear. Yes, it was pouring rain, and their clothing gave a good indication that they went out intending to encounter it.
Now, you and I know that the wife finds this whole enterprise to be ridiculous. She has no interest in motorcycles to begin with. Even if she did, she certainly finds no joy in splashing through a monsoon. So, why does she go along at all?
That's amore,
Stevie Joe Parker
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Stevie Joe and Acetaminophen
A advisory committee of the FDA has issued a couple of recommendations regarding acetaminophen (the key ingredient in Tylenol). First, they suggest reducing the recommended dosage in over-the-counter preparations. Second, they recommend taking drugs that combine acetaminophen with a narcotic, such as Vicodin and Percocet, off of the market altogether.
The committee correctly points out that overdoses of acetaminophen can cause damage to the liver. This damage can be fatal. However, the committee did not appear to address alternatives to these products. Ibuprofen, naproxen sodium, and ketorolac all have similar problems. Large doses or extended use of all of these can cause liver damage and carry other risks as well.
Removing products like Vicodin from the market raises other concerns. The acetaminophen in these products acts as a potentiator. That is, it increases the effects of the narcotic. So, if consumers can no longer take Vicodin or Percocet, they might need to switch to a product that contains an even greater narcotic dose to get the same effect.
Two advantages often cited for products like Vicodin and Percocet is that they allow the patient to get pain relief with a lower narcotic dose and that they are less susceptible to abuse. Folks who abuse drugs aren't too keen on taking large doses of these because they know that they will fry their liver. Drugs like OxyContin that have no potentiator are much more popular drugs to abuse.
Of course, the biggest fear is that some folks will just have to live in pain. It seems that the muckety-mucks don't care too much about that.
Not FDA-approved,
Stevie Joe Parker
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