Stevie Joe Knows What The World Needs

What the world needs now is
A new Joe Strummer,
A new Joey Ramone,
And ten more Chuck Ds.

Apologies to Mr. Lowery, but it had to be said,
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe Has a Message for Dickie

Hey Dickie (if that was you who actually wrote that), watch this:



Now, who's sucking what?
Stevie Joe Parker

Dickie Jensen Says Goodbye to Karl Rove, an American Patriot

The following is a guest post by Dickie Jensen

It figures that as a member of the liberal media elite, Stevie Joe wouldn't give poor Karl Rove a fair shake. He claims that Mr. Rove used dirty tricks to elect conservative candidates such as the President of the United States, Mr. George W. Bush. If Stevie Joe were actually as smart as he thinks he is, he would know that such tactics became necessary because of the extreme liberal bias present in the US press.

In order to get the message of true patriots out to the American people, sometimes drastic measures must be taken. It is the only way that underprivileged Republicans can attempt to level the playing field. Like America herself, Karl Rove is a winner. He was able to defeat the leftist conspiracy so the American people could be properly served rather than cheated.

We won. You lost. So, to you, Stevie Joe, I say: suck it.

God Bless America,
Dickie Jensen

Stevie Joe Says Goodbye to Turd Blossom

Karl Rove is going to resign. This makes me happy. It also makes me think that it's just another one of his fiendish plots.

Seriously, my dislike of the man doesn't really have to do with the fact that he helped put President Numbnuts in office. My problem stems from the methods that he used to do so. Mr. Blossom has made an art form of campaign dirty tricks. He began his evil ways as president of the national College Republicans in the early 1970s. There, he developed an arsenal of nasty tactics that are widely used by both parties today.

Spreading false rumors about an opponent and confusing voters with misinformation about polling dates and places are two favorite techniques that were developed and refined by Turd. Maybe I'm just naive, but I like to believe that democracy works best when well-informed citizens vote for candidates based on qualifications for office. Unfortunately, Mr. Blossom and others like him are trying to do something else. They don't really care what is best for the country. They just want their side to win, and that's wrong in my book.

God Bless America,
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe and the Poets of Junebug Holler

As you may already know, I regard most of the local citizenry as insane. However, I still love them. The lastest proof of their insanity is the poetry craze that is now sweeping the Holler. I recently posted some thoughts about poetry on the Stevie Joe Parker's Guide to Life. Before long, Junior, hobbled by sobriety, wrote some of his own. Now, Dickie Jensen joins in. Here's the latest:

GOODNIGHT JUNEBUG MOON
by Dickie Jensen

In the great beer room
There was a pickle jar
And a stuffed raccoon
And a picture of—

A fat guy shooting the moon
And there were three drunken fools sitting on stools

And two girly posters
And a pizza toaster

And a slot machine
And two drunk teens

And a Swede, a Canuck, and a room full of schmucks
And a cranky old lady who was yelling, “fuck!”

Goodnight room

Goodnight moon
Goodnight fat guy shooting the moon

Goodnight jar
And the stuffed raccoon

Goodnight fools
Goodnight stools

Goodnight posters
And goodnight toaster

Goodnight flakes
And urinal cakes

Goodnight slot machine
And goodnight teens

Goodnight Swede
And goodnight Canuck

Goodnight nobody
Goodnight schmucks

And goodnight to the old lady yelling, “fuck!”

Goodnight barf

Goodnight chair

Goodnight cougars everywhere

Adieu,
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe and Robot Chicken

I'd like to thank Jimmy for steering me in the direction of some fine Robot Chicken videos on the interwebs. Sure is funny!

May the Force be with you,
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe and the Killer Robots

OK, I've written about this before. The robots are planning to take over, and now we are arming them with machine guns and rocket launchers. What could go wrong?

Here is one possibility:



Affirmative,
Stevie Joe Parker