Monday, August 27, 2007

Stevie Joe and Robert Cray

I need someone to testify. Speak truth to me, Mr. Cray.

Stevie Joe Parker

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Stevie Joe Wages Peace

War is the result of a lack of creativity. Many have argued that not only is war avoidable, but that every war has been avoidable. Peaceful means to resolve conflicts, including stopping genocidal dictators, are available and effective. Yet, many leaders do not have the patience to explore these and resort to the crude tool of violence.

It takes courage and strength to follow a peaceful path. How does one deal with today's world without resorting to violence? There is no easy answer. That's what makes it difficult. Extraordinary leadership is required to truly pursue peace.

John Lennon and Yoko One used to encourage folks to "declare peace." Today, the American Friends Service Committee challenges us to "wage peace." They have some interesting thoughts on the matter. Check them out.

From the AFSC exhibit Eyes Wide Open

Peace out,
Stevie Joe Parker

Friday, August 24, 2007

Stevie Joe and the Dog Days of Summer

It is HOT in the Holler. As Neil Simon put it, it's Africa-hot. It's too-hot-for-Tarzan-hot. Of course, the heat is periodically interrupted by thunderstorms so severe that you start thinking about building an ark. So, we've got heat, and then we've got humidity. When you step outside from an air-conditioned building, your glasses steam up immediately.

Now, I generally prefer the heat over the cold, but this is getting a little out of hand. The local citizenry, which is not exactly stable in good times, is going completely bonkers. A lynch mob is on the hunt for Mayor Barney now that his Mudslide Estates is living up to its nickname. While no homes have gone completely downstream or anything, it is still not good news when the ridge of your roof starts to sag. This indicates that the foundation has gone mobile.

Over at the Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge, folks haven't been interested in the usual fare of coffee and omelets as they don't exactly mesh well with the weather. So, Prudy has added iced coffee to the menu. She adds a bit of chocolate syrup and whipped cream, and, let me tell you, it is delicious. Unfortunately, it is so good that folks have been drinking them non-stop. Adding caffeine and sugar on top of the regular heat-induced lunacy is not helping matters.

As you might imagine, Junior and Dickie Jensen have gone completely nuts. Today, they decided to have a brat grilling race. You might think that this is a contest of cooking skill and speed, but you would be wrong. This race entails grilling some brats on a couple of those three-legged, kettle-style Weber charcoal grills while pushing them from one end of town to the other. The grills don't roll easily as only two of the legs have wheels. One hand must be used for lifting the stationary leg while the other is occupied with food preparation.

I don't think I am spoiling any surprises by telling you that neither knucklehead made it all the way across town, food was spilled, and flesh was burned. In other words, a good time was had by all.

Feelin' hot, hot, hot,
Stevie Joe Parker

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Stevie Joe and the Latest Nutball Theory

Some right-wing "think tank" posted an article (and then took it right back down) suggesting that everything would be so much better if Bush was President-for-life and/or dictator and could just nuke whoever he wanted. Evidence here.

Good lord!
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe and the Coal Miners

While America holds its breath waiting to learn of the fate of six coal miners trapped underground in Utah, China faces the possible loss of 181 miners in a single mine disaster. Unfortunately, this is not news in China. On average, over 6,000 miners a year die there.

This is caused by both the need for cheap energy to fuel China's economic boom and the minimal safety standards protecting workers. These are the hidden costs of the cheap consumer goods that flood American stores.

I would like to think that the American people would never stand for US mines to have such a safety record. Yet, it is our insatiable desire for material possessions that causes it to happen elsewhere. When our most important value is price, then other values, such as environmental protection, workplace safety, and worker rights, will take a backseat.

What are you willing to pay for?

Stevie Joe Parker

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Stevie Joe Apologizes to Republicans

I've fallen into my own trap. After preaching about kinder politics, I went and said something nasty about Republicans. I recently posted a note about how Tony Snow intends to leave the White House because he can't make ends meet on $168K a year. In that post, I commented that only a Republican could have that problem.

That was wrong, and I'm sorry. I'm sure that there are some fine Republicans around somewhere, and there are probably some Democrats who cannot live frugally. I still maintain, however, that SnowJob is a nut. And Dickie Jensen is downright certifiable.

Mea Culpa,
Stevie Joe Parker

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Stevie Joe and More of What the World Needs

What the world needs now
Is a new John Lennon.

Givin' peace a chance,
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe and Poor Republicans

Only a Republican can fail to make ends meet on $168,000 a year. Tony Snow announced that he will be leaving the Bush administration sometime soon. "I will not be able to make until the end of this administration, just financially," Snow said. Poor baby.

Suck it up, T,
Stevie Joe Parker

Friday, August 17, 2007

Stevie Joe Knows What The World Needs

What the world needs now is
A new Joe Strummer,
A new Joey Ramone,
And ten more Chuck Ds.

Apologies to Mr. Lowery, but it had to be said,
Stevie Joe Parker

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Stevie Joe Has a Message for Dickie

Hey Dickie (if that was you who actually wrote that), watch this:

Now, who's sucking what?
Stevie Joe Parker

Dickie Jensen Says Goodbye to Karl Rove, an American Patriot

The following is a guest post by Dickie Jensen

It figures that as a member of the liberal media elite, Stevie Joe wouldn't give poor Karl Rove a fair shake. He claims that Mr. Rove used dirty tricks to elect conservative candidates such as the President of the United States, Mr. George W. Bush. If Stevie Joe were actually as smart as he thinks he is, he would know that such tactics became necessary because of the extreme liberal bias present in the US press.

In order to get the message of true patriots out to the American people, sometimes drastic measures must be taken. It is the only way that underprivileged Republicans can attempt to level the playing field. Like America herself, Karl Rove is a winner. He was able to defeat the leftist conspiracy so the American people could be properly served rather than cheated.

We won. You lost. So, to you, Stevie Joe, I say: suck it.

God Bless America,
Dickie Jensen

Monday, August 13, 2007

Stevie Joe Says Goodbye to Turd Blossom

Karl Rove is going to resign. This makes me happy. It also makes me think that it's just another one of his fiendish plots.

Seriously, my dislike of the man doesn't really have to do with the fact that he helped put President Numbnuts in office. My problem stems from the methods that he used to do so. Mr. Blossom has made an art form of campaign dirty tricks. He began his evil ways as president of the national College Republicans in the early 1970s. There, he developed an arsenal of nasty tactics that are widely used by both parties today.

Spreading false rumors about an opponent and confusing voters with misinformation about polling dates and places are two favorite techniques that were developed and refined by Turd. Maybe I'm just naive, but I like to believe that democracy works best when well-informed citizens vote for candidates based on qualifications for office. Unfortunately, Mr. Blossom and others like him are trying to do something else. They don't really care what is best for the country. They just want their side to win, and that's wrong in my book.

God Bless America,
Stevie Joe Parker

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Stevie Joe and the Poets of Junebug Holler

As you may already know, I regard most of the local citizenry as insane. However, I still love them. The lastest proof of their insanity is the poetry craze that is now sweeping the Holler. I recently posted some thoughts about poetry on the Stevie Joe Parker's Guide to Life. Before long, Junior, hobbled by sobriety, wrote some of his own. Now, Dickie Jensen joins in. Here's the latest:

by Dickie Jensen

In the great beer room

There was a pickle jar

And a stuffed raccoon

And a picture of—

A fat guy shooting the moon

And there were three drunken fools sitting on stools

And two girly posters

And a pizza toaster

And a slot machine

And two drunk teens

And a Swede, a Canuck, and a room full of schmucks

And a cranky old lady who was yelling, “fuck!”

Goodnight room

Goodnight moon

Goodnight fat guy shooting the moon

Goodnight jar

And the stuffed raccoon

Goodnight fools

Goodnight stools

Goodnight posters

And goodnight toaster

Goodnight flakes

And urinal cakes

Goodnight slot machine

And goodnight teens

Goodnight Swede

And goodnight Canuck

Goodnight nobody

Goodnight schmucks

And goodnight to the old lady yelling, “fuck!”

Goodnight barf

Goodnight chair

Goodnight cougars everywhere

Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe and Robot Chicken

I'd like to thank Jimmy for steering me in the direction of some fine Robot Chicken videos on the interwebs. Sure is funny!

May the Force be with you,
Stevie Joe Parker

Friday, August 3, 2007

Stevie Joe and the Killer Robots

OK, I've written about this before. The robots are planning to take over, and now we are arming them with machine guns and rocket launchers. What could go wrong?

Here is one possibility:

Stevie Joe Parker