Thursday, June 28, 2007

Stevie Joe Gets Afraid of Robots

Looks like the robots are well on their way to world domination. Scary story here. Watch for Arnold Schwarzenegger to arrive from the future at any moment. What? He's already here? Everyone panic!

I'm hiding,
Stevie Joe Parker

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Stevie Joe Questions Whether History is Repeating

See what happens when you trust that the government won't do bad things in the name of "national security?" The CIA talks about the "family jewels."

What's that clicking sound on my phone?
Stevie Joe Parker

Monday, June 25, 2007

Stevie Joe Takes on Darth Cheney

Now, hang on with me for just a minute. Dick "Dick" Cheney has got to go, but it ain't that simple. See, as soon as you say something like that, eyes roll, and people accuse you of being partisan. That is the fault of those who promote a partisan approach to politics, not Stevie Joe.

With all the bickering between the two parties, it's often hard to get a good, objective look at what's going on. Is Dick up to no good, or are the liberals just spinning it that way? Let's take a closer look and see why Stevie Joe thinks it's time for the VP to go.

If you haven't heard the story yet, Darth Cheney has apparently declared that he is not subject to a presidential executive order because his office is "not an entity within the executive branch." Details are in my post of a few days ago. This immediately begs the question, "Well, what branch is it in?" Dick has not yet answered that one, but the speculation is that he will argue that as President of the Senate, the Vice President is actually part of the legislative branch. This is, of course, a bunch of bull-puckey, but let's hear him out.

If the VP is part of the Senate, then it seems reasonable that his office is then subject to the rules and laws governing that body. However, I don't get the impression that Dick intends to go along with that either since he hasn't done it yet. Instead, it seems that this maneuver is intended to avoid any oversight. Yes, it looks like Darth Cheney is attempting to build a fourth branch of government that does not have to answer to anyone. If so, we have ourselves a major constitutional crisis.

Unless the Vice President can agree to abide by the laws and rules that govern the rest of Washington, D.C., then impeachment might be the only recourse. He is disobeying a presidential executive order and refusing to comply with the safeguards that protect documents pertaining to our national security. Nobody can be above the law, and if Darth Cheney cannot comply, then he must be removed from office.

This has nothing to do with policy. It has nothing to do with the political right or left. It has only to do with upholding our Constitution and rule of law. Any Vice President, Republican or Democrat, must be held to the same standard.

I'm Stevie Joe Parker, and I approve this message,
Stevie Joe Parker

Friday, June 22, 2007

Stevie Joe's Recap of the Twin Situation

Some folks have had a little trouble following all of the claimed identical twins floating around Junebug Holler. I know how you feel. I'm a bit confused myself. So, here it goes:

* Junior's claimed twin is Bob. He looks just like Junior complete with shaved head but has a goatee. He's a bit more gregarious than Junior.

* Dickie Jensen's claimed twin is Matthew. He looks just like Dickie with a goatee, and he is a born-again, bible-clutching Christian.

*Prudy's claimed twin is Trudy. She looks just like Prudy, and she has no goatee.

So far, that's it. The 3 twins are still around, and the 3 "originals" have not been seen. No explanation of this twin invasion has been offered.

The Truth is Out There,
Stevie Joe Parker

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Darth Cheney About to Push Stevie Joe Over the Edge

Now, I know that some folks (Dickie) don't like when I discuss political issues, and I've talked about a few lately. However, this is different, and I just have to get it out of my system. Yesterday, Justice Scalia (aka "Tony Scales" or "Tony the Fish") set me up for Dick "Dick" Cheney's spike today.

It appears that the office of the Vice President (aka "the Death Star) feels that it is not required to cooperate with the Information Security Oversight Office, an agency charged with protecting national security information. This is despite a presidential executive order that requires all executive branch agencies to do so. The reason? According to the office of the VP, it is because it is not "an entity within the executive branch." Details here, here, and here.

Oh, so what branch of government are they in? Maybe, Mr. Cheney is the chief executive of his own sovereign government. I swear this stuff is going to cause me to stroke out.

Stevie Joe Parker

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Justice Scalia is Frightening Stevie Joe

Jimmy found this story, too. Maybe he should get his own blog.

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia (aka "Tony Scales" and "Tony the Fish") publicly defends Jack Bauer's use of torture on the Fox show 24. It's one thing when Dickie Jensen jumps up on the couch and whoops it up when Jack Bauer shoots someone in the thigh, it's another when one of the people assigned to defend the Constitution does it.

I'm going to go down and hide in the cellar for a while now.

"Tell me where the bomb is or I will kill your son,"
Stevie Joe Parker

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Another Stevie Joe Freedom Report

Thanks to Jimmy for finding this story for me. This is what "freedom" has come to in the US of A.

Live free or die!
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe Starts to Worry

This is getting serious. This morning, I stopped by the Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge. Like every other day, Prudy came over with a cup of coffee, and I said, "Morning, Prudy!"

She looked up at me and said in a deadpan fashion, "I ain't Prudy, I'm her twin sister Trudy." To her credit, she was not wearing a fake Freud goatee.

"Her sister, eh? Well, where is Prudy then?" I asked.

"Visiting her sick mother," she replied.

"She's your momma, too."

"I just got back from a visit. Say, you gonna keep up with the inquisition, or do you wanna order something?" I think she was starting to get a little PO'd. Of course, Prudy is always getting PO'd at me so that was nothing new.

Over my Denver omelet and hash browns, I attempted to wrap my brain around this sudden explosion of identical twins. Being a super genius and all, I should be able to figure it out, but I was coming up empty. The whole place is going Invasion of the Body Snatchers on me.

Keep an eye out for pods,
Stevie Joe Parker

Monday, June 18, 2007

Stevie Joe and the Saga of Bob and Matthew

"Bob" and "Matthew" are still insisting that they are, in fact, the identical twins of Junior and Dickie. This is despite the fact that their goatees look like they came from a Sigmund Freud Halloween costume down at the Wiggly Piggly. The brain trust over at Prudy's thinks that this is just a ruse to avoid the wrath of Jimmy. However, "Bob" is voluntarily shaving his own head, and "Matthew," the born again brother of Dickie, continues to work as Jimmy's slave. He claims that any debt owed by his brother is a debt of his. Whatever.

I still think that the whole town is finally going over the edge. People are actually starting to call these two clowns "Bob" and "Matthew" as if it's completely normal.

I gotta find me a new town,
Stevie Joe Parker

Friday, June 15, 2007

Stevie Joe Meets Matthew

You ain't gonna believe this. I went into the market today, and who do I see but Dickie Jensen dressed in a white dress shirt with black tie, black pants, and black shoes. He was clutching a Bible and wearing a stupid fake goatee just like Junior had this morning. He stops me and asks if I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal saviour. Before I can answer, he introduces himself as Dickie's identical twin brother Matthew. I swear this town is finally coming unhinged.

Getting out my tin foil hat,
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe Meets Bob

It was a rather interesting breakfast this morning over at Prudy's. Junior was there with the rest of the gang, but he was wearing a fake goatee and claiming to be Junior's identical twin brother, Bob. Now, I've known Junior just about all my life and have never heard of any brother Bob. Still, he was sticking to his story.

I must admit that Bob acted a bit differently than Junior. See, Junior is a drunk and is otherwise stupid, but he's relatively reserved (at least compared to Dickie Jensen who, as you know, is known to run about town nekkid). Bob, however, strode right on in to the Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge, yelled "Howdy Doo!," and slapped poor Prudy on the ass. I'm pretty sure that he wasn't drunk. So, I don't know what the hell he is up to. In any case, I can't wait to see how this pans out.

Hi Bob!
Stevie Joe Parker

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Stevie Joe Questions Wisdom of ISS Planning

It looks like trouble up at the International Space Station. Now, I know that it's supposed to be "international," but who had the bright idea to run the thing with Rooski computers? Did Russia become a computer design powerhouse without me knowing about it?

Try Control-Alt-Delete, Comrade,
Stevie Joe Parker

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Stevie Joe's Headline of the Day

I'd like to thank Jimmy for finding this wonderful headline while surfing down at the Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge. It's the headline of the day, maybe headline of the month.

Stevie Joe Parker

Monday, June 11, 2007

Stevie Joe Remains Up with People

As part of my on-going quest to be a bit more positive, I offer this list of things from the news that are good, make me happy, or are otherwise amusing.
  • Junior returns from hiding and gets his head shaved by Jimmy.
  • Dickie Jensen returns from hiding, gets wedgie from Jimmy, and serves as Jimmy's man-servant.
  • President Numbnuts greeted as a hero in Albania. The rest of Europe - not so much.
  • Alberto Gonzales - always a bunch of laughs.
  • Tony Soprano makes it through the finale.
  • Paris Hilton - need I say more?
  • No more American Idol (for now).
  • Denver Omelet special at Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge (yummy).
OK, that's a good start. I'll think of some more to post later. Now, I've got to go see what Junior is screaming about.

Making friends and influencing folks,
Stevie Joe Parker

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Stevie Joe Checks Out Politics in Second Life

The resident population of Second Life has just exceeded 7 million, and the political world has noticed. Several of the presidential candidates are represented with virtual campaign headquarters, and some of the talking heads have also made appearances.

Just a few days ago, I was at a virtual interview with Arianna Huffington. Some technical difficulties made the audio a little hard to hear, and they couldn't get Arianna's avatar to appear in the open air amphitheater where the interview took place. Still, she took the time to make the appearance as she has done before and promises to do again.

Not all of the presidential campaigns are represented in Second Life, but the top Democrats are here as is Republican candidate Ron Paul. You can visit virtual headquarters for Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, John Edwards, and Ron Paul, but the only campaign that has an official presence in Second Life is that of Democrat Mike Gravel. The rest are unofficial sites created and managed by volunteers.

In her interview, Huffington agreed with the assessment that candidates are treating Second Life much like candidates treated the world wide web during the 2000 campaign. That is, they know it has great potential, but they aren't yet sure how to most effectively use it. As the election approaches, I'm sure we'll see the campaigns get more involved. It will be interesting to see what they do.

Here are some pics of the campaign headquarters (in alphabetic order):

Clinton Campaign Headquarters

Edwards Campaign Headquarters

Gravel Campaign Headquarters

Paul Campaign Headquarters

Obama Campaign Headquarters

Reporting from Second Life,
Stevie Joe Parker

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Stevie Joe Plays Diplomat

This morning I heard a scratching and whining at my backdoor. I thought maybe it was Junior Junior coming back to perform more Lassie-style heroics, but it was Junior himself. He was just a mess and smelled something awful (not that Junior's everyday scent is all that agreeable).

Apparently, he and Dickie Jensen had both been in hiding from Jimmy for quite some time. They had been camping down by the river below Mayor Barney's Mudslide Estates. Every now and then, one of them would sneak back up to Dickie's house for some food (Junior never has food in the house). Fear of Jimmy and a lack of liquid assets had kept them away from the market, and they had finally run out of stuff to eat.

Of course, I told Junior that they were both idiots and Jimmy probably wouldn't kill them so they should just come home. Junior needed some greater assurance and asked me to broker a peace deal for them. So, I went on over to Jimmy's place to see what could be done. As you can imagine, Jimmy is still sore at both Junior and Dickie seeing as how is motorcycle is wrecked and his hair half burnt off.

Jimmy seemed open to the idea of not killing them, but we were having a heckuva time figuring out how they could make amends. Neither one has any money or marketable skills. Jimmy won't tolerate having Junior around the house doing chores as this would place him in close proximity to Juanita. It was gonna be pretty darned hard for Junior to pay off the cost of fixing the motorcycle.

There was no way for Dickie to help Jimmy's hair grow back any faster. If it were anyone else, maybe you could get even by shaving his hair so he would suffer a similar humiliation. The problem here, however, is that you can't humiliate a guy who voluntarily runs around town nekkid.

That's when it occurred to us that the solution was to have Dickie do chores around Jimmy's house and to shave off Junior's hair. Both would also have to agree to allow Jimmy to give them public wedgies at any time for the rest of their natural lives.

Welcome home, boys!
Stevie Joe Parker