Thursday, February 28, 2008

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Stevie Joe's Bracelet Reviews

Regular readers know that Stevie Joe is an expert in many fields, and fashion is no exception. You may not be aware that the current hot men's accessory is the bracelet (no, not the man-bag, but Stevie Joe has one of those, too). Gone are the shiny ID bracelets of the 70s. What's hip today is the earthy look of leather, twine, and hemp.

Stevie Joe ordered four examples from major labels (as worn by the stars on several popular television shows - David Duchovny, I'm talking about you). Let me tell you right now that while these might be fashionable, the designers don't know squat about practicality.

Bracelet #1, a leather cuff, has no discernible method of securing it to your wrist. It will stay on for a bit, but soon enough, it will fall right off.

Bracelet #2 slips over your hand and then cinches down to fit your wrist. Trouble is, it doesn't stay cinched. Eventually, it is flopping around as you search the parking lot at the Piggly Wiggly for bracelet #1.

Bracelets #3 and #4 have clasping mechanisms that work but are difficult to open and close. #4 has a very traditional clasp. However, it is so small that only small children, miniature space aliens, or hobbits can operate it.

Let this serve as a warning, however, for all the well-dressed hombres out there. Keep an eye out for shoddy clasps or be prepared to rig up a paper clip substitute like Stevie Joe did.

Voguing for all you sinners,
Stevie Joe Parker

Monday, February 18, 2008

Stevie Joe Discusses Presidential Politics in the Holler

Things have been busy for ol' Stevie Joe lately. I've been slaving away down in the pundit mines during the day, and Mrs. Stevie Joe has plenty of chores for me when I get home. Plus, Junior is fully healed and mobile. So, he is causing headaches for the community as a whole. Since we are in the middle of a deep winter freeze, Junior chooses to pass out indoors, usually on my davenport.

The gang down at Prudy's has been all abuzz with the presidential primaries. Of course, this is not your typical high-minded political discourse. It's usually just bitching about having to choose between a woman and Borat Osama, the colored fellow. Not that this is really an issue since most folks in the Holler are Republicans. So, they can safely choose amongst a number of old white men, just like usual.

In fact, one old white man in particular has caught their attention, and that's Ron Paul. Ron Paul is a Libertarian-turned-Republican because nobody is electing a Libertarian to anything. Mr. Paul still believes in limited government, and that is regarded as a good thing around here. When the local face of government is Mayor Barney the Dirt Thief, you want as little government as possible.

However, some of these limited government folks aren't always consistent. Don't touch my guns but feel free to take away the hippies' dope and spy on the malcontents. Cut off the welfare bums but make sure my road is nice and smooth. In other words, "screw the other guy, I want mine." At least the Republicans and Democrats are up front about it.

Of course, there are some folks who say they want the government out of just about everything. It's fine with them to allow the hippies to have their pot, and they are willing to pay to travel on private road networks. We call these people "crazy." It's an idealistic vision that oversimplifies reality. This is true with all pure ideologies. The world is simply too complicated for any one ideology to provide all the best answers. Reality requires compromise, flexibility, and good judgment.

A true libertarian (small "L") would say that everyone is permitted to do what one wishes and that the only just role of government is to intervene when the exercise of liberty by one person interferes with another's. So, driving under the influence would not be illegal. Despite your intoxication, you are not infringing upon anyone else until you run into them.

The libertarian says to punish those who cause accidents, but not those who simply drive drunk. Sounds OK in theory, but it is difficult to implement in reality. Doing away with DUI regulations would require greater personal responsibility. That is, unless people refrain from abusing this freedom, more accidents will occur and more lives will be lost.

Of course, this goes over the head of most folks down at Prudy's. They are just worried about having somebody other than an old, white guy as President.

Don't make me pull out John Locke's Second Treatise of Government,
Stevie Joe Parker

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Stevie Joe Rocks Out With Obama

The nation eagerly awaits news of which candidate I will be endorsing in the 2008 presidential race. I am not quite ready to make that announcement, but I can share with you something else. Below are two music videos that feature the words of Barack Obama. They are inspirational to old Stevie Joe, and they rock out pretty good, too.

Yes We Can,
Stevie Joe Parker

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Stevie Joe Says "What?"

Apparently, some TV station was broadcasting live footage of the WTC for no reason (since there had not yet been any attack), and President Numbnuts accidentally happened to see the first plane hit it. Wow.

Thanks to Lolo for this one!
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe on Learning

Often, folks write to me to ask, "Stevie Joe, how can I get as smart as you?" Well, hold on there, partner. It's okay to reach for the stars now and then, but that don't mean you can become as smart as old Stevie Joe. Still, everyone can improve (look at me, I was born broke and stupid). So, I am sure that we can tune-up that old gray matter of yours.

Now, when some lad asked for assistance a little bit ago, I told him to Google "Mortimer Adler." This is still good advice. If you have already done this and are still a bit confused, consult a local or online Great Books program. As Professor Adler developed the whole Great Books concept at the University of Chicago, the fine folks running these programs can probably help you out.

Now, some people need their education spoonfed to them. If you are one of them, you might want to consider the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. You might be saying, "Heck, Stevie Joe, I ain't got the dough to be going to no Massachusetts Institute of Technology!" If you did say this, you might want to brush up on your grammar skills first. Then, you can explore the MIT on the cheap by checking out their Open Courseware program.

See, what MIT does is offer a way to experience many of their classes (nearly) free and online. The MIT OCW website offers syllabi, reading assignments, homework assignments, tests, and lectures via downloadable audio and video files. The syllabus for each course will indicate the textbook needed and will often provide a link to purchase one. Since many textbooks are updated every year, some OCW courses were built around an older edition of the text. These editions are often available at a closeout price or used.

So, go on out there and start your learning. You have no more excuses!

You're welcome,
Stevie Joe Parker