Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Stevie Joe Needs an Atomic Bomb

This morning down at the Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge, we had another political roundtable discussion. This time, the topic was the Second Amendment (or as it is known around here, "The Second Goddamn Amendment.") At first, there wasn't too much debate since, as good Americans, we were all pretty much in favor of guns. However, Prudy went and opened her mouth to ask if there should be any limit on our right to bear arms.

Right off, Junior assumed that she meant a limit on the number of guns. This would prevent Junior from ever living out his Scarface fantasy in which he stocks his home with guns and weapons of all shapes and sizes. Say hello to Junior's little friend. Fortunately, we all know that Junior can't be trusted with any weaponry. So, we've established our own little gun control program here in town. It only applies to Junior. When it comes to alcohol, tobacco, and firearms, we only let him have the first two.

However, Prudy was referring to the type of arms, not the quantity. Should we be allowed to own just anything? I reasoned that maybe there should be some limit. After all, the First Amendment is not absolute. You got that whole yelling-"fire"-in-a-crowded-theater deal. So, somewhere between a rubber band and an atom bomb, there should be a line, right?

Not so fast, Yuri. The folks down at the cafe were not so sure about any line. Dickie felt that once you allow the government to open the door, they'll gradually find a way to take everything. Before you know it, Rosie O'Donnell is showing up at your house to take your Daddy's old hunting rifle and your wife.

So, that's when I decided that I needed my own atom bomb. Just in case, you know, for self-defense. Because if Dickie ever gets elected to anything, I'm just guessing that I'm going to need it.

"Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the Bomb,"
Stevie Joe Parker

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