Friday, August 24, 2007

Stevie Joe and the Dog Days of Summer

It is HOT in the Holler. As Neil Simon put it, it's Africa-hot. It's too-hot-for-Tarzan-hot. Of course, the heat is periodically interrupted by thunderstorms so severe that you start thinking about building an ark. So, we've got heat, and then we've got humidity. When you step outside from an air-conditioned building, your glasses steam up immediately.

Now, I generally prefer the heat over the cold, but this is getting a little out of hand. The local citizenry, which is not exactly stable in good times, is going completely bonkers. A lynch mob is on the hunt for Mayor Barney now that his Mudslide Estates is living up to its nickname. While no homes have gone completely downstream or anything, it is still not good news when the ridge of your roof starts to sag. This indicates that the foundation has gone mobile.

Over at the Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge, folks haven't been interested in the usual fare of coffee and omelets as they don't exactly mesh well with the weather. So, Prudy has added iced coffee to the menu. She adds a bit of chocolate syrup and whipped cream, and, let me tell you, it is delicious. Unfortunately, it is so good that folks have been drinking them non-stop. Adding caffeine and sugar on top of the regular heat-induced lunacy is not helping matters.

As you might imagine, Junior and Dickie Jensen have gone completely nuts. Today, they decided to have a brat grilling race. You might think that this is a contest of cooking skill and speed, but you would be wrong. This race entails grilling some brats on a couple of those three-legged, kettle-style Weber charcoal grills while pushing them from one end of town to the other. The grills don't roll easily as only two of the legs have wheels. One hand must be used for lifting the stationary leg while the other is occupied with food preparation.

I don't think I am spoiling any surprises by telling you that neither knucklehead made it all the way across town, food was spilled, and flesh was burned. In other words, a good time was had by all.

Feelin' hot, hot, hot,
Stevie Joe Parker

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