Stevie Joe Starts to Worry

This is getting serious. This morning, I stopped by the Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge. Like every other day, Prudy came over with a cup of coffee, and I said, "Morning, Prudy!"

She looked up at me and said in a deadpan fashion, "I ain't Prudy, I'm her twin sister Trudy." To her credit, she was not wearing a fake Freud goatee.

"Her sister, eh? Well, where is Prudy then?" I asked.

"Visiting her sick mother," she replied.

"She's your momma, too."

"I just got back from a visit. Say, you gonna keep up with the inquisition, or do you wanna order something?" I think she was starting to get a little PO'd. Of course, Prudy is always getting PO'd at me so that was nothing new.

Over my Denver omelet and hash browns, I attempted to wrap my brain around this sudden explosion of identical twins. Being a super genius and all, I should be able to figure it out, but I was coming up empty. The whole place is going Invasion of the Body Snatchers on me.

Keep an eye out for pods,
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe and the Saga of Bob and Matthew

"Bob" and "Matthew" are still insisting that they are, in fact, the identical twins of Junior and Dickie. This is despite the fact that their goatees look like they came from a Sigmund Freud Halloween costume down at the Wiggly Piggly. The brain trust over at Prudy's thinks that this is just a ruse to avoid the wrath of Jimmy. However, "Bob" is voluntarily shaving his own head, and "Matthew," the born again brother of Dickie, continues to work as Jimmy's slave. He claims that any debt owed by his brother is a debt of his. Whatever.

I still think that the whole town is finally going over the edge. People are actually starting to call these two clowns "Bob" and "Matthew" as if it's completely normal.

I gotta find me a new town,
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe Meets Matthew

You ain't gonna believe this. I went into the market today, and who do I see but Dickie Jensen dressed in a white dress shirt with black tie, black pants, and black shoes. He was clutching a Bible and wearing a stupid fake goatee just like Junior had this morning. He stops me and asks if I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal saviour. Before I can answer, he introduces himself as Dickie's identical twin brother Matthew. I swear this town is finally coming unhinged.

Getting out my tin foil hat,
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe Meets Bob

It was a rather interesting breakfast this morning over at Prudy's. Junior was there with the rest of the gang, but he was wearing a fake goatee and claiming to be Junior's identical twin brother, Bob. Now, I've known Junior just about all my life and have never heard of any brother Bob. Still, he was sticking to his story.

I must admit that Bob acted a bit differently than Junior. See, Junior is a drunk and is otherwise stupid, but he's relatively reserved (at least compared to Dickie Jensen who, as you know, is known to run about town nekkid). Bob, however, strode right on in to the Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge, yelled "Howdy Doo!," and slapped poor Prudy on the ass. I'm pretty sure that he wasn't drunk. So, I don't know what the hell he is up to. In any case, I can't wait to see how this pans out.

Hi Bob!
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe Questions Wisdom of ISS Planning

It looks like trouble up at the International Space Station. Now, I know that it's supposed to be "international," but who had the bright idea to run the thing with Rooski computers? Did Russia become a computer design powerhouse without me knowing about it?

Try Control-Alt-Delete, Comrade,
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe's Headline of the Day

I'd like to thank Jimmy for finding this wonderful headline while surfing down at the Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge. It's the headline of the day, maybe headline of the month.

Ouch!
Stevie Joe Parker

Stevie Joe Remains Up with People

As part of my on-going quest to be a bit more positive, I offer this list of things from the news that are good, make me happy, or are otherwise amusing.

• Junior returns from hiding and gets his head shaved by Jimmy.
• Dickie Jensen returns from hiding, gets wedgie from Jimmy, and serves as Jimmy's man-servant.
• President Numbnuts greeted as a hero in Albania. The rest of Europe - not so much.
• Alberto Gonzales - always a bunch of laughs.
• Tony Soprano makes it through the finale.
• Paris Hilton - need I say more?
• No more American Idol (for now).
• Denver Omelet special at Junebug Cafe and Internet Lounge (yummy).

OK, that's a good start. I'll think of some more to post later. Now, I've got to go see what Junior is screaming about.

Making friends and influencing folks,
Stevie Joe Parker