To demonstrate my abilities, I present my plan for peace in the Middle East. It’s quite simple, really. Everyone who went to college knows that folks who are stoned don’t fight. Drunks fight. Stoners sit around, munch on snacks, and listen to Pink Floyd. Stoners are never in a hurry. If someone threw a pile of cash in the street, a stoner would say, “I’ll get mine later, I’m sure they’ll be some left.”
So, all we need to do is turn the citizens of the Middle East into a bunch of potheads. I propose doing this by dropping large bales of primo government cannabis (you know they have it) from airplanes. Some of them might not catch on right away. So, the first bales should be dropped while already on fire. Loudspeakers under the planes can blare Dark Side of the Moon.
It will only be a matter of time before Palestinians and Israelis join together to share a bag of Cheetos. They will have completely forgotten not only why they were fighting, but also what side they were on. This can also be a boon to the American economy as we supply the new marijuana-based society. Farmers can grow weed. Spencer’s Gifts can ship thousands of black light posters. The Dead will have a new place to tour. Peace and love will flourish.
Stevie Joe Parker