Sunday, January 21, 2007

Why Stevie Joe?

I’ve been thinking that the world would be a much simpler and nicer place if everyone were just a bit more like me. Alternatively, everyone could just do as I instruct, like a modern day philosopher-king. However, I understand that such a societal change does not occur overnight. The seeds of Stevie Joe’s wisdom must be planted, nurtured, and allowed to grow over time. This blog is an opportunity to plant a few of those seeds and see what happens.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Who is this Stevie Joe Parker fella and why the heck should I pay any attention?” Well, for starters, I’m a damn genius. Everyone I know agrees. Except Mrs. Stevie Joe. You would think that she would recognize this genius, too. After all, she agreed to marry me. While I am stunningly handsome, she did not marry me just for my looks. Stevie Joe would not marry anyone so superficial. I am more than just arm candy.

In any case, for those who doubt the opinion of my acquaintances (with the exception of Mrs. Stevie Joe) I have objective proof of my mental prowess. I scored a perfect 20 out of 20 questions on the Reader’s Digest IQ test. Technically, their scoring guide said that I got one question wrong. You decide. It asked what Aristotle, Shakespeare, Locke, Voltaire, Poe, and Nietzsche all had in common. I answered that they all had an “e” in their names.

I was not always brilliant. I was born poor and stupid in Junebug Holler, a place so small that nobody has ever heard of it before (and we like it that way). Seeking to correct this stupidity, I embarked on a rigorous course of education. I’ve read the Great Books and studied the world’s cultures and religions. I immersed myself in the sciences and followed history’s greatest thinkers. I took employment with a large Multi-National Corporation (MNC) so they would pay for me to travel the world and see how others lived first-hand.

In other words, I’ve done all the hard work for you. Trust me, the process of making oneself a genius is long and tedious. It is not for everyone. Yet, I am willing to share my gift with those who preoccupied with other endeavors.

Your humble servant,
Stevie Joe Parker

No comments: