Sunday, May 20, 2007

Stevie Joe and Junior Junior

Junior has a dog. His name is Junior Junior because he's just like Junior - he lies around all day, mooches food from everyone, and has peed on nearly every lawn in town. I wouldn't say that Junior "owns" the dog since he just showed up one day. I'm not even sure that Junior takes care of the dog. For all I know, the dog takes care of Junior.

Anyway, I awoke this morning to the sound of Junior Junior scratching at my door. I figured he was hungry and looking for some chow, but when I opened the door, he began to run down the walk. When he reached the street, he stopped and turned to look back at me. The damn dog wanted me to follow him. He probably learned such bossy behavior while teaching Junior how to fetch him food.

Anyway, I decided to put on my boots and go along. At least I would get a little walk out of it. As we approached the main drag, I saw Dickie Jensen carrying an American flag and marching right down the middle of the street. I asked him, "What the hell are you doing, Dickie?"

He replied, "Somebody has got to stand up for this country, goddammit!" Good old Dickie, the nutjob.

Junior Junior passed right through the downtown and led me out to Mayor Barney's Mudslide Estates. It was there that I saw Jimmy's motorcycle on its side in the mud. About ten feet away was Junior, also on his side in the mud. I ran up to him and shook his shoulders to see if the damn fool was still alive. He opened his eyes, looked at me, and furrowed his brow. With a strange look on his face, he said, "You don't look to good, Juanita." With that, his eyes closed, and his head plopped back into the mud. The idiot was drunk.

Now, Junior doesn't know how to ride a motorcycle (as evidenced by the results of this latest attempt), and Jimmy doesn't let anyone borrow his bike. Something must have happened last night to get Junior worked up enough to do this. While I pondered that, I walked on back to the house to pick up the Big Blue Wagon so I could haul Junior's sorry ass home. Junior Junior walked alongside looking quite content. Smart dog. Maybe smarter than Junior.

Stevie Joe Parker

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