Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Stevie Joe Reports on the New Monica-Gate

No, not that Monica. This time, it's Monica Goodling, the former Director of Public Affairs for the US Department of Justice. She testified today in Congressional hearings about the dismissal of US Attorneys.

I know folks have gone on and on about that whole mess, but that's not what concerns me. The bug up my butt today is trying to figure out how the hell Miss Goodling became a top-level official in the Justice Department to begin with.

First, Monica Goodling is 33 years old. If she were a whiz kid who graduated top of her class from Harvard Law School, it still would raise some eyebrows that she made it this high up the organization chart by the age of 33. Yet, she isn't a whiz kid, and she didn't graduate top of her class from Harvard.

So, what the heck is going on here? She graduated from Law School in 1999. She got hired by the Department of Justice in 2001. What could she have been doing in 2000? Oh, that's right, she was an opposition researcher for the Republican National Committee during the presidential campaign. By the way, she worked in the RNC alongside Tim Griffin who was recently appointed by Alberto Gonzales to replace one of them fired US attorneys. What a coincidence!

Miss Goodling graduated from Regent University Law School. This is the school founded by Pat Robertson to (according to their mission statement), "Bring to bear the will of our Creator, Almighty God, upon legal education and the legal profession."

Well, maybe it's a good school anyway, right? Not exactly, US News ranks it as a "Tier 4" law school, the lowest tier. It ranked 136th out of 170 schools reviewed. Over the past four years, Regent grads have passed the Virginia bar exam only 51.5% of the time. The statewide pass rate is 73%, and Regent ranks the lowest of any law school in Virginia.

Well, ol' Monica must be some sort of anomaly, right? The Regent University website recently claimed that 150 Regent grads had served in the Bush administration. They also say that their Washington DC alumni association has 867 members (out of 9,617 total alumni). Sure seems like they have quite a focus on politics. Not sure how many preachers they graduate.

Now, I know that some of you are thinking that ol' Stevie Joe is just a cranky liberal who's just bent on bad-mouthing Republicans. You're thinking that maybe Monica didn't go to the best school, but that doesn't mean she isn't qualified to help run the Justice Department. I'm sure that her college website will reveal her hidden genius and qualifications (ignore the typos - spellcheckers didn't work all that well in 1997).
After you read all about her hobbies and family, take a look at her resume. It makes her qualifications quite clear. She was a swim instructor, worked the front desk at a Holiday Inn, was the editor of her college yearbook, and student government president! She sounds more than ready to help run the US Justice Department to me!

Onward Christian Soldiers!
Stevie Joe Parker

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