by Stevie Joe Parker
JUNEBUG HOLLER - A detainee portrayed as an al-Qaida operative and a member of a terrorist family confessed to shooting President Kennedy in November 1963, according to a Pentagon transcript of a Guantanamo Bay hearing. The detainee, known as Abu Fayed according to Defense Department records, also admitted involvement in the killing of Paul McCartney, Princess Diana, Huey Long, Vince Foster, Archduke Francis Ferdinand, the surviving grey alien from the Roswell crash of 1954, and Tupac Shakur.
Investigators from the CIA also testified that classified intelligence suggests that, in addition to al-Qaida, Fayed holds membership in the Freemasons, the Trilateral Commission, and the American Civil Liberties Union. According to the official hearing transcript, when asked if any portion of his statement was coerced, Fayed replied, "xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx."