Monday, February 19, 2007

Stevie Joe and the Winter Mountain Climbers

It looks like they rescued those folks who fell on Mount Hood. You know, this is America, Land of the Free and all that. So, I think that it's great that people can go out and do whatever dumbass stuff they want. Heaven knows there has been a lot of dumbass stuff done in Junebug Holler over the years, and I will admit to participating in at least some of it.

However, if you decide that you want to climb a mountain in the middle of the damn winter, I think it's fair for the rest of us to say "See you in the spring!" if you fall down and go boom.

If anyone is considering such an expedition, let me explain some of the particulars to you. It will be damn cold. Just like when Dickie Jensen sprayed freon on his testicles except this will cover your whole body. It will be windy. Winds of over 100 miles per hour. That makes it colder, and it makes you fall down. There will be snow. Lots and lots of snow. It will be deep. And cold. It might even slide down the mountain and bury your ass.

So, if you decide to go ahead with this endeavor anyway, don't be surprised if you find your sorry self needing to be rescued.

It reminds me of the time that Junior designed his own parachute and decided to test it by leaping off of Pastor Luke's house (two stories plus attic). Nobody should have been surprised by the results, but Junior never saw it coming. If he had, he should have just called 9-1-1 before he leapt.

Stevie Joe Parker

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